Winning the War on Roaches
Posted: Tuesday, April 01, 2008
by Steve Radford
The cul-de-sac was overrun with roaches. Our home, positioned at the end of the street, was clearly in the best position to take action. In fact, as the largest home on the block, the other residents undoubtedly looked to us to solve the problem, though they never said so.
We had already taken steps to keep the bugs away from our own place. We sprayed insecticide inside the house and even around the outside perimeter to kill the pests living in the shrubs and ivy. After months of roach free living, it seemed we were starting to win the war.
We had to take action. The way roaches breed; it would only be a few short weeks before the entire neighborhood would be uninhabitable. With the approval of my neighbor to the right, operation "porch light" was born. It started with secretly placing cans of insecticide on each neighbor's porch during the night. We just wanted to give them the tools they needed to extinguish the roach cells living on their property.
We were optimistic about operation porch light. And if everyone had done their part, it could have worked. But as long as one house provided a safe haven from the insecticide, we could not win. We had to go after the WMDs and there was no other choice but to invade the source.
It would have been preferable to consult with the neighbor to the right regarding the invasion. But the details of operation "porch crash" were too sensitive. Success would depend on our ability to reach the WMDs before the roaches could be released. So at 2:00 the next morning, I kicked in the front door of the incubator house. Fitted with a gas mask and insecticide, I went in spraying.
The broken front door and frame were a small price for the victory at hand. I would just put the repair bill on my American Express. Unfortunately, the Wombs of Mass Duplication turned out to have fish in them. We are sure the neighbor to my left tipped off the roach house inhabitants.
An hour later, as the paddy wagon drove away; I looked through the bars on the back door and thought about the advice of my allied neighbor: "I think we need to maintain a defensive posture. As much as we would like to go find the roaches, we cannot. They have been hiding and duplicating for thousands of years." He may have been right but hopefully history will vindicate my actions.
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)I loved your story. I sit here with a smile and I really liked what I read. Keep on creating! Thanks, Mr. KeithThank you for reading and taking time to comment Mr. Keith! I'm glad you liked it. Steve
Hi Steve, very, very funny and filled with lots of common sense application that could be applied to just about everything that is going on in our world. Thanks for the laugh and the thoughts! God Bless you and yours, TeresaHey Teresa. Thanks for the nice comments. Steve
Roaches forever. They have beaten mankind at every turn. In Florida they ares as big as B52 bombers and they come in all sizes. We have our seasons for major infestations but for the most part schrubs, lights, mulch are the attractions. Barriers around the parimeter, electronic devices liberally sprinkled about. Spray and the good old shoe do the job. Yes and even then we must udnerstand they are where we least expect them to be. Good article."As big as B52 bombers", I got a chuckle out of that imagery. And I thought everything was supposed to be bigger in Texas! Thanks Robert.
Steve, I had trouble reading your article, I was laughing so hard! Great stuff!!Thanks Ken. Glad you enjoyed it. Steve
Great article, Steve. I love articles that can find humour in situations like you have just described. I for one will look forward to the day that roaches are on the 'endangered' list for extinction! SEGSandra, Thanks for reading and for the great rating. Steve
hi steve, well, this was different. we need to do something like that around our neighborhood for mice. i've never seen a roach. i hope your stay behind the bars wasn't too long. thanks for an interesting article, best regards, sue thomYou're right Susan. This was a little different for me. An experiment of sorts. Thanks for the generous comments.
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