IHOP Logic: Homeless by Choice?
Posted: Tuesday, November 13, 2007
by Steve Radford
On a recent Sunday afternoon, I sat with two of my friends in a booth at the International House of Pancakes. All week I had looked forward to seeing them. Two weeks earlier I heard a presentation about Dallas Life Foundation and was excitedly telling them all about it. Dallas Life is an organization that provides services for the homeless, including medical care, clothing, drug rehabilitation, career counseling and help with securing identification. It seemed to be the kind of help I had been unable to provide as an individual and just what my friends needed.
Realizing that I was getting nowhere, I stopped selling and said look guys, we've talked about how tough it is to make the leap back into society once you are homeless. This is a group that will help you do it. But if you don't want to go, I can't make you. I'll still be your friend either way. Just tell me what you want to do.
I don't think either of the men realized the significance of the moment. Potentially life-changing decisions were about to be made in a booth at the IHOP. Rob, who is bright, articulate and way too sharp to be living under a bridge, spoke first. "I think I'll pass for now". Dean nodded agreement. I was stunned. I really thought these two would jump at the chance to get off the street.
We finished eating and drove around for a while, listening to the football game on the radio. We decided to drive past Dallas Life Foundation so they would know where it was in case they changed their mind. As we drove past, Dean made a comment about the fence around the property and how it looked like a prison compound to him.
Disappointed by their response, I dropped them off by the bridge they call home. They thanked me for the pancakes, took some bottled water and returned to the life they seem to have chosen.
I don't know exactly what to make of that Sunday afternoon. I think they were saying that hope is a wonderful thing but also a dangerous thing. Hope is not certainty. To embrace hope is to establish the possibility of failure, a painful outcome.
On the other hand, a person, who has given up hope, acquires an odd kind of freedom. They have freedom from expectations, freedom from disappointment, acceptance of circumstances and surrender to surroundings. We say they live in the rat-infested support structure of a bridge. They would say that they've simply escaped the rat race.
It's clear to me that both men once had hopes and dreams. We've discussed some of them. Can lost hope be restored? In concept, it can. Time will tell in the lives of Dean and Rob.
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Top-level comments on this article: (8 total)Steve, I applaud you for not trying to change Dean's and Rob's mind; don't know if I would have had that same wisdom. Having had worked with the homeless myself, I, too, don't understand many of their decisions and yet, I guess, unless we are in their souls we never will. I will keep these two men in my prayers. I always love your work, thanks, Steve!Thank you Judi. I appreciate your prayers for these guys. Any change in their circumstances will have to start with their heart.
Yes, Steve what leads these people to give it all up I think you hit the nail on the head for a few of those issues. Certainly for vets coming back from war the trauma of that environment has a severe and profound impact. It doesn't make it right it is just a possibilty. However, when people drop out of life many times because it is not about drugs, alcohol or any sickness but just being fed up with society, the system or whatever it speaks to the destruction of the human condition by that society and what that society does that may be objectionable, uncomfortable, not acceptable, or just unfair in perception people drop out. Like the hermits of old they are the new, no reason, just had enough. Now I am not questioning the many good souls like yourself who are there to help and try to get these lives back on track. This is wonderful and at the same time I understand how it can impact you immensely. But perhaps, just perhaps they have had enough of the lies, facades the campaign promises that never come to fruition. perhaps they are tired of the harassment and consistent stress of high paced, inflexible work environments that destroy people and above all families. Perhaps they have it right and we have it wrong? Good job Steve in all ways.Robert, Interesting perspective. I think you're right on the money. Not every homeless person has that view but these two have chosen to take themselves out of the game. There are probably a lot of us that have felt like doing that from time to time.
A verse from a Johnny Cash song: singing at San Quentin "do you think I'll be different when your through?"David, The man in black said it better in 9 words than I did in 500. Thanks for reading and commenting.
hi steve, i think this was a great article. being homeless would scare me to death, and yet, any of us could become so in a very short time, say if a job is lost and we're living paycheck to paycheck. i feel for your friends. i hope they eventually try Dallas life. but then again, maybe they like where they are? who are we to say, right? at least now they know it exists, and where it is, and that's a lot closer than they were before pancakes. thanks for a good article, best regards, sueSusan, I'm with you. If I were homeless, my top priority would be to find a home. But I'm learning that not everyone feels that way. Thanks for commenting.
How's that quote go? "Better the devil that you know than the devil that you don't." The life they have is wretched at best, and yet it's what they know and are comfortable with. Thanks for sharing this, Steve.Good point Danny. Their mindset is similar to that of a person that stays in an abusive relationship. Thanks for reading.
Steve,
Thanks for this very articulate and spot on article. My husband has a family member who lives in near homelessness. Crashes on couches of whoever will accept him, lives in his car (when he has one), spends a lot of time in jail. Never has any place of his own. We finally concluded that he could not cope with the responsibilities that "normal" life requires: Regular hours for a job, paying taxes and other bills on time, bank accounts, etc. We've decided we need to accept him for what he is and where he is. Odds are that in his mid-40's he probably will not break this pattern. He might, but not likely. Alcoholism and drug addiction are also factors. His lifestyle really is the one he has chosen - and for him it is easier and more comfortable. Thank you for sharing this story. It helps to know that others deal with the same issues. We feel now that accepting his choice (not in an enabling manner) is better for all involved then constantly pushing for him to change.Jean,I thought you might like to know that Rob called me a few weeks ago to say that he had accepted Christ, was off drugs and living with a cousin. He was to start a job the next day. In his words, the Holy Spirit has changed him and freed him from addiction. The change began in his heart. I'm convinced that no other solution will last.
Steve, Great article. Yes, habits, regardless of the type, are hard to break. There is comfort in being comfortably numb. I have been there, living without income for months, hope, happiness, in complete depression and despair. Why? So I can descend beneath, if not all things, many things, to relate to those who suffer, for who is to be looked after but the sufferer, regardless of income. Why do others suffer as such? Only they know the full truth, and sometimes it’s never discovered for the answer lies within fear. In working with the homeless at a shelter in LA, I discovered that many homeless have jobs and are even taking classes. I encountered a young woman as such. To lie awake most of the night, listening to a cacophony of snores, I wondered at such a plight as theirs. Why are they here? Why are others sleeping fat, well fed in satin sheets? Are they any better? Worse? No. Just a part of life, life, asking us to look to our poverty, even our wealth to discover the eternal answers that lie within. Keep writing and loving.
Beautifully written - I am sure your friendship is speaking very loudly to them. Maybe they are in agreement with Janis Joplin (I know she didn't write, but sang the song and she didn't know our Jesus either I don't think)"freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose..."I think you hit the nail on the head in that with hope there is also the possibility of loss and maybe neither of them could handle that possibility again right now. Marijo (Mary Jo - dad was creative with the spelling)Thanks for commenting Marijo. The Janis Joplin song fits for these guys. But no one is beyond redemption.
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